Monday didn't started off well, even at 12am sharp.

Did I do wrong, I asked myself again and again... A part of me answers, yes and no at the same time. The feeling's horrible, really really horrible.

It's a selfish answer of both, yes and no.

But I would be lying to myself if I said No.

And it wouldn't be fair to to myself if I said Yes.

So how, you tell me.

I haven't came across any moment thinking I could bring Spencer back with me.

At the same time, it wouldn't be right for me to keep going back there, just to see that little boy. Knowing now that they will be shifting in couple of months' time, I really don't know how they're gonna adapt... 

I would love to bring Spencer home with me. I would love to.

However, it's something many people will relate to Mike, my most recent ex boyfriend. But can't they see the point that a dog is a dog, an ex, will always be an ex.

It doesn't matter how short or long, I mean the duration of the whole past relationship I've spend with that one person.. The only thing some would find me silly is... It's just a dog, just another dog.. Another golden retriever. But nah, it isn't and it isn't that simple as what some would think it would be. Close to a year I've lived with Spencer, compared to a close to four years relationship is far different.. I don't know but the dog's always gonna stay loyal to you and I've enjoyed all those time with Spencer. He doesn't hurt me nor make me angry or sad.

Instead, he accompanied me during the nights when I was alone and the times when I was down.. He was there to keep me company when everything failed.. So how do you expect me to just leave and forget Spencer just like this? Wahlau, I CANNOT LAH!

I just miss him so so much and yet nothing can be done. 

I know he still remembers me. He sure do, I can tell from his actions.

It hurts so much while typing this now.

Are you awake? Have you had your breakfast little boy?

I hope you slept well and have sweet dreams every night and no ticks nor fleas on you to bite you! Be strong and be good, wait for your food patiently before each meal and not rush to it even before getting it prepared. I know you're always hungry, I miss sharing my chips, my bread, my burger and fries with you. Especially when I'm drinking ice water, I would give you my ice, you love it. Biting it from one place to another, making the floor wet and I had to clean up the mess you made. But it's alright.. We had you to give you a warm loving home and to take care of you. 

I am selfish thinking now that we shouldn't get you back then.. but like what Mike said before.. If we didn't maybe someone else would have treated you worst, or maybe abused you.. Yes, I kept that in mind, and not thinking that he would have actually lived a much happier life compared to now.

He just sticks to one, and I'm happy about that. People in and out of the house, I don't want him to get confused. 

Sigh. Spencer's just a dog.

I want you with me little boy. Can I?

I don't know if I would be able to. 

I always teared when I miss you. 

Thank you for yesterday, you've made my day so much brighter. It hurts so much to leave but I had so much fun and you too. Been so long since I hugged and cuddled you in my arms. You still look so cute in the "Minnie mouse neck piece", you are too even without it.

I just hope Mum and Dad will welcome Spencer home one fine day, and the boyfriend would accept Spencer and that Mike would let me have Spencer if I could.. one fine day................. 

I would love to and would look forward for that day to come.

Can I not have anything except Spencer?

I think I can do that. I CAN DO THAT!

It would be awesome waking up and sleeping with you you around, seeing how you give the sad face when you did something wrong.. 

Spencer, come back to me soon.

Please.. No one would understand how I feel and how much I missed you all this while..

Don't you forget me, Spencerboy.

XOXO'

i love you

elleslig,